On the pursuit to fulfill my every wish to learn more about myself, you, faith, relationships, and the human journey. With Oprah I will journal my thoughts, take notes, discuss lessons learned and venture into the greatest possibilities of myself.

Lesson #1 The False Power of Ego

Q: Where does your ego get in your way?

A: When I socialize with others, I can’t stop thinking about how people perceive me.

What is ego? When my classmate got offered a nursing job, and I felt like I got robbed of my dignity. I envied her, and that was in response to my ego. Or having this conception that I am never good enough, the root of it all. You see, the ego is very complex, forever full of drama. In this lesson I learned how to be more aware of my ego, and how to rightfully interpret. Becoming aware of your ego allows you to do one thing, understand that you are worthy, that you have a purpose on this planet. That you don’t have to manufacture worth out in the world. You had it all along. All of the worth-seeking, never really being fulfilled, it’s an insecurity in another form. All these material forms brought to bring value to yourself, it’s all false. Being here is all the value that you ever need. I once had the mindset that stillness sleeps but now I know, that stillness indeed speaks.

Love After Love
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the paragraphs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life —Derek Walcott
Other Key Notes:
  • If you catch yourself asking others “What do you think?” Instead of hoping that the right answer will be served to you on a silver platter, do your homework. Ask yourself “What is the true intention, and what are the effects? Will it be done half-heartily, or will I give it my full attention?” If it jeopardizes something in return (i.e. decrease in income), keep in mind the authenticity in you.
  • Criticism is just a spoken observation, you chose the meaning.

Studying for my substance abuse test on Tuesday suddenly triggered me into thinking about my credit score… yeh, idk why? Anything but studying right. lol!

I pulled up my FICO report that I did last July (2010) and saw my score was only “good” not “excellent”… So, I did some research on how to increase your credit score (yes. i know, I should be studying), and found out that a revolving utilization ratio has an effect on your score.

You’re probably asking what the hell is a revolving utilization ratio? Well, it’s the balance-to-limit ratio. If you were to total the balances on all of your credit cards then total the limits on all your credit cards and then divide your balances by your total limits, you get your revolving utilization ratio.

Most lenders encourage you to keep your ratio under 35%. Anything above 35% can decrease your credit score. So, if your revolving ratio is higher than 35%, which mine is, you have two options: decrease your balances or increase your credit limit.

You may be wondering if this is a trick question. Well it is, kind of. Why would I decrease my balances, if I can just increase my limit. Well, lenders control your credit limit and often determine these limits based upon your history. For you to inquire an increase in credit limit can in fact decrease your credit score (it’s tricky). But only temporarily! Your credit score will drop, but only for a short period, once you fall below the 35% revolving utilization ratio. After you meet that ratio, your credit score will rise, and this isn’t temporarily (if you manage your credit lines right).

…back to studying mental health #ponderingmindofmine

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Today, December 29th I could not help myself but think of all the marvelous things 2008 has brought me. As I recall all the wonderful memories I had, and the happy endings, I realize that time truly is a valuable blessing that I must take full advantage of. This year has truly brought me blessings on many fronts. And I am grateful for:

A loving family- my grounding force

A wonderful boyfriend, who has given me all that happiness can offer

A friend who seems more to me like a sister

Good health, a strong heart

An employer who is generous and always willing to work with my lifestyle

And finally, A God who has never failed me and continuously works his wonders

Having rediscovered, I want to focus on 2009. Instead of resolutions, I set goals to help determine the areas in which I need to grow: Intellectually, Spiritually, Physically, Socially, Mentally and Financially. I have learned that when I set resolutions, and do not fulfill them, I simply dismiss them all together.  Whereas goals you are not only striving to achieve them, it is a continual process in which you have sat down and thought through in a step-by-step procedure on how you will achieve them.

Obtain 60-90 credit hours to apply to my ADN and Bachelor’s Degrees. -Intellectually

Budget money accordingly. -Financially

Go out of my way to make others feel great about themselves. -Spiritually

Give a helping hand to a noted charity through volunteering.

Take more and every educational opportunity that is given to me. -Intellectually

Find the right church and attend regularly. -Spiritually

Have positive regards to every aspect and laugh regularly and often. -Mentally, Spiritually, Socially and hopefully Physically

Begin to read and write daily.
-Mentally and Intellectually

Find a hobby that inspires or helps others.
-Physically, Spiritually, Socially, but by no means Financially

While the holidays and the end of a year is always a time for reflection and improvement in life. Whatever the new year may have in store for you, aside from goals and resolutions, keep in mind that we are only young once.


photo taken in N.C. by Melody Locklear